Mental Health: Post-Pandemic

Written by: Tessa Sigman, ESQ

The COVID-19 pandemic has negatively impacted mental health across the nation. As we acclimate to post-pandemic life, you may experience increased anxiety about reopening. And, as the U.S. vaccination rate rises, the question gripping the nation is “When will things go back to normal?” Although worry, fear, and stress are typical emotional responses to what the world is living through, the pandemic’s impact on mental health should not be ignored.

Our bodies are complex systems, which often run without our conscious guidance. A part of this system is our fight or flight response—the body’s built-in alarm to protect you from potential danger. Over the past year, we have significantly reduced the amount of time we spend out of the house, while training our body’s alarm system to be conscious of factors that we previously ignored. With home being the ultimate comfort zone, some have become extra worried about the danger that awaits outside.

As we embark on this post-pandemic journey, the messages that we have learned over the past months do not just vanish. The knowledge that the alarm is unnecessary is insufficient for our bodies to simply stop reacting. Fortunately, we can help our bodies learn that it no longer needs to be afraid in certain situations, and these tips for a gradual re-entry into a post-pandemic world can help ease your transition:

1. Acknowledge Your Anxiety: The pandemic has taken everyone on an emotional roller coaster. It is okay to feel triggered about close human contact and things of this nature. If your brain presents you with a “what if” question, like “What if this isn’t safe?”, realize that it is okay to be uncertain about this. Allowing yourself to acknowledge how you are feeling can help you focus on overcoming anxiety and minimizing these symptoms.
2. Start Slowly: Allow your body and mind time to adjust. While you may be tired of being at home, going full-speed ahead into things may increase your anxiety. If you are feeling overwhelmed, take smaller steps before working up to bigger events.
3. Positive Thinking: Anxiety can often be related to intrusive or irrational thinking. Letting yourself dwell on these thoughts can magnify the negativity. Instead, focus on actively changing your perception to a more positive one. When negative thoughts enter your mind, taking a moment to alter your thinking can make a large difference in how you perceive the world and how you behave.
4. Be Compassionate to Yourself: This process may be a bit of an emotional roller coaster. Excitement to reenter the world can co-exist with grief and fear. While these emotions may seem to be incongruent, it is normal and important to allow yourself to feel everything that you are experiencing. Be kind to yourself.
5. Seek Support: You do not have to go through this alone. There is a strong chance that the people around you will be able to relate to, and validate, your feelings and experiences. Talking through fears with a support system can help to reduce associated anxieties. Support can come from friends, family, or a mental health professional.

You are Resilient

Have you ever noticed that some people bounce back from tough times easier than others? Some people seem to "roll with it" + their attitudes are sprinkled with humor or a positive outlook. They can find their way thoughtfully through a problem. They appear to be flexible. You turn to them in tough times because they always leave you feeling optimistic + they can see the silver lining. 

This is resilience and we all have it. Some people feed it with fertilizer so it grows big and beautiful. Thoughtful that if they don't feed it, their resilience will wilt, they practice certain things every single day. You can practice these things too. 

There are 9 pillars of reliance and at least one proven practice for improving + growing + strengthening your resilience. 

Remembering who you are when you haven't seen yourself for awhile. 

Start by recalling how you got through a difficult time in the time past. What strategies did you use? What did you do to "come up for air"? What story did you tell yourself? This is resilience. Now water + fertilize that in the days + weeks to come. You're on the right track.  

 Quick Take-Aways

9 Pillars of Resilience

• Optimism

• Altruism

• Moral Compass

• Faith and Spirituality

• Humor

• Having a Role Model

• Social Supports

• Facing Fear

• Meaning or Purpose in Life

A Proven practice for improving resilience

Change the narrative 

"When something bad happens, we often relive the event over and over in our heads, rehashing the pain. This process is called rumination; it’s like a cognitive spinning of the wheels, and it doesn’t move us forward toward healing and growth.  

The practice of Expressive Writing can move us forward by helping us gain new insights on the challenges in our lives. It involves free writing continuously for 20 minutes about an issue, exploring your deepest thoughts and feelings around it. The goal is to get something down on paper, not to create a memoir-like masterpiece."

For more information on changing the narrative: https://positivepsychology.com/3-resilience-scales/

For more information on the pillars: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/five_science_backed_strategies_to_build_resilience

Journaling 101. How to Write that Crap Down.

If you’re interested in journaling but don't, but know where to start, you've come to the right place. There are different types of journaling + it’s something that I recommend you do every day or at least on a consistent basis. I found that there are three types of journaling. Data dump journaling, gratitude journaling, and connection journaling.

Data dump journaling is exactly what it sounds like. Dump that data! It's great for getting out those spinning thoughts. It’s not intended to re-read or revisit. It’s only intended to clear space for new information. No formality. You can do it with pen + paper, on your phone (Day One is a good Journaling App) or on your computer. Whatever you prefer. I often hear from clients that they get immediate relief from data dump journaling.

Gratitude journaling is the best! It refocuses your emotional compass towards holding positive energy for things that are really important in your life. The things you cherish. I found in my practice that when clients regularly practice gratitude journaling, they report their energy + outlook shifts in a positive way. They report that it impacts their relationships positively + their overall feeling of well-being improves. This type of journaling is as easy as writing down 3-5 things you have gratitude for, every day. It doesn’t matter if you do this in the evening, then it sets you up for an emotionally positive sleep. Or if you do this in the morning, then you set your compass in the right direction for an emotionally positive day. What matters is that you do it consistently. It also doesn’t matter if you repeat the same things again and again – although I would suggest that you look for different things on a daily basis. The big things you hold Gratitude for are always easy to identify. Look for the medium and small things. If you can put down a few reasons why they're important to you, that’s a bonus.

Connection journaling is a journaling meditation practice. It’s about connecting to positive energy, a higher vibration. As you journal, this often starts with a few benign sentences about the moment or the day or how you feel - you’ll start getting into "flow". Once you’re in flow, no judgment, just information coming out of you. You’ll connect to a higher version of yourself. Maybe your intuitive self. It allows for insights to flow + "Ah-Ha's" to come regularly.

For me, connection journaling has created the most profound shifts + greatest insights. It's been life and relationship changing.

Don’t think you have time for journaling? Recently I discovered the Five Minute Journal. It gives you five short prompts daily. It’s fast. I have clients that use it with their spouses and have purchased them for their teens. You can find the 5 Minute Journal at www.journalhabit.com. Look in the Shop.

Happy journaling.

5 Common Reasons Why Couples Go to Therapy: How an Expert Therapist Can Help

Each couple that walks into a therapy office is different. Their stories of how they met and fell in love are captivating and warming. Couple's "engagement story" always makes them smile and when they talk about the details of their wedding day, the whole tempo of the room can shift to a happy, joyous rhythm. But, don't be fooled, by the time a couple makes their first call to a marriage counselor's office they are far from this rhythm and by the time they sit down on a therapist's couch, they ALL have one thing in common; pain.

Couples rarely seek counseling until they are in fear of permanently losing their primary love connection. They wake up one morning (usually it's the middle of the night) and they realize that if things don't change, they may lose the person they once loved so dearly. They feel they've tried everything, except... reach for expert help.

Once the phone call has been made to a marriage therapist and an appointment is on their calendar, couples often breathe easier. For the moment, the pressure is off. Someone else is now in charge of "fixing it."

If this sounds like you, but you're not sure if this is the right avenue for your marriage, read on. You deserve to breathe easier too.

Here are 5 common reasons that couples seek expert counseling:

1. Difference of Values

Individual values can change throughout a lifetime and couples may not always start like-minded. Early in a relationship, couples often look past their differences. But, as time moves on, what was once a tolerable difference can now become a rub.

For example, you may value alone time while your spouse values and draws energy from time with friends; you may have spiritual differences that have become more expansive now that you have a baby or you may have changed your position on a core value that as a couple you shared, leading to turbulence in your relationship. Therapy can help you understand and respect each other on a deeper level, making living with the difference acceptable (instead of merely trying to change each other’s view.)

2. Communication

Couples can experience feelings of isolation and alienation due to a lack of connected communication. It's awful to feel alone while you're sitting next to the person you married.

In a new relationship, texting is flirty and fun. But, as time passes, you need to develop ways to effectively communicate from beyond a screen. Couples who experience communication difficulties have a tendency to dodge hard topics and minimize each other’s feelings, which can deteriorate a relationship. With the help of an expert therapist, couples who struggle with safe, connected communication can learn how to navigate conversations without hurting each other’s feelings (while gaining deeper insight into your lover's needs.) Yay! That's what we all want.

3. Money

Spending habits are a deeply held personal value, often tied to core emotional and psychological needs. We're often not aware of how we truly feel about money until we're in a relationship, and now we're dividing dinner bills and travel expenses (and mortgage down payments and Peleton memberships).

Couples can have differences when it comes to their money values based on how they were raised, how money was spoken about in their family of origin, their earning potential or past money traumas. Even if a couple's in basic agreement about their financial values, they can still have differences in opinion; like what to spend and what to save. Financial disagreements can cause tension and stress in a relationship. An expert therapist can help a couple safely unpack their money differences and then, reconnect with a higher level of understanding and empathy. They can also teach the couple how to spot money triggers and stay calm and connected while discussing how money can make them feel safe or unsafe.

4. Jealousy

Jealous feelings are often directly attached to relational wounds, both rational and irrational. Jealous behavior can come from a place of suspicion and insecurity. The behavior itself can often threaten to destroy a relationship.

Jealously is often comingled with feelings of inadequacy or inferiority—a byproduct of fear or triggered by old or recent traumas. Whether a partner obsessively checks the other’s computer and phone records, or they fear that a business trip is really a cover to continue an affair, jealousy can quickly dismantle a relationship by making well-meaning people act in ways that they never imagined. Working with an expert therapist can help couples understand why jealousy is driving unhealthy actions. It can help the couple decrease the chance of escalation (and disconnection which leads to more jealousy), help the couple to understand and put in place safe boundaries around their relationship and enable the couple to rebuild a solid foundation of trust.

5. Infidelity

Once infidelity is discovered or revealed, intense pain and a roller coaster of exaggerated emotions are the norms. Trust gets shattered and love goes into hiding.

Infidelity causes major trauma in a love relationship. Obsessiveness, depression, anxiety, and a profound sense of loss often follow. Heightened emotions can cause more damage to an already wounded love. Despite the powerful emotions after the disclosure or discovery of infidelity, marriage therapy with an expert marriage therapist can help couples understand and manage these feelings quickly and also learn what to expect in the hours, days and weeks to come. It's tough territory to navigate alone, for a love relationship. An expert marriage counselor will also provide tools for you to reestablish safety in your marriage, spot emotional triggers, communicate in a safe way and eventually reestablish the foundation of trust and respect needed to move forward in the marriage. When both partners commit to healing the relationship, statistics show that through expert counseling the vast majority of relationships can successfully move forward.

Jennifer Sigman, MS, LMFT is an expert in marriage and relationship counseling. Throughout her 29 years as a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, she has successfully guided countless couples through challenging times in their relationship. Jennifer also has expertise in the area of trauma and trauma recovery.