5 Steps to a Joyous Thanksgiving Day

Every Thanksgiving I get excited. I love this time of the year. The coolness in the air, the crisp smells of fall. My best friend often calls me around this time of year and says she remembers how much I love the cool air mixed with the sunshine. She reminds me that since we were kids, it’s made me happy.

I feel like Thanksgiving is one of the only times in the year that things truly slow down and the country takes a break. I’ve always loved the quietness around me when the country takes a break. I remember in college loving the quiet Sunday mornings in my college town. I felt like the world was moving slowly on Sunday morning, being mindful, showing gratitude. The streets were quiet. I could get a coffee and only a few people were around. I could breathe better. Deeper. I could walk to the library and slowly walk up the grand stairs to the stacks where I could hear the echo of the distinguished rooms and feel deep gratitude for all the books surrounding me, the beauty of the architecture and I could truly thank myself for all the hard work I was doing at University. On Sunday mornings I felt the vibration around me was one of compassion and kindness.

That’s why I love Thanksgiving. The streets are quiet and the few people I see are in the spirit of connection. A smile. A “Good Morning”. I love the idea of giving thanks, of having gratitude. The thought that everyone around me is also in a space of gratitude warms my soul and makes me happy. It’s like we are of like minds, for a few hours.

Thanksgiving is a time to reflect and give thanks outwardly as well as inwardly. Thanks to myself for showing up, every day, and giving what I had that day.

Here are 5 easy steps that you can incorporate into your Thanksgiving day to get the most joy out of this holiday:

1. Get up early and do a TurkeyTrott 5k or 10k, a meditation, a yoga class or a mindful walk. Have a mind of gratitude for the small things you see around you, the colors, the smells, the sounds around you.

2. Smile. The colors will get brighter and I promise you'll feel it in your heart center.

3. Say ‘Yes.” “Yes” to arriving early. “Yes” to wholeheartedly asking people about themselves. “Yes” to being thoughtful about all your blessings.

4. Eat with joy and modesty. Recognize the abundance we have. Listen to your body and feed it gently.

5. Take time to thank yourself. You've done a lot this year, these 12 months. Truly spend 5-30 minutes in self-gratitude. Consider the many things you've done. The small things you've done are so important. Look at your calendar if you need a reminder - I know I often do.

This week give wholehearted thanks. We have blessings all around us. Even when things are tough. Step off the Hamster wheel and connect today - with yourself and the earth. You won’t regret it!

The Secret to a Happy Marriage/Relationship –Lean into The Tough Conversations

How many times have you heard the question…”What’s the secret to a good marriage?” You’ve probably heard this or thought about it 1000 + times. How often have you heard an answer that makes sense to you? If you’re like me (and I see couples all the time), rarely! The dreamy answer of  “Never go to sleep mad” lingers with me in a romantic kind of way; but then I think about all the people who are up all night because they don’t want to go to sleep mad and then my brain gets fuzzy and I get fuzzy and my brain jumps to a new topic. Then, I’m left one more time with no answer to this burning question.

 After many, many, ma (I get 1 “many” for every 10 years) of practice & training, I have settled on a few things when it comes to marriage / relationship:

1. All marriages go through tough times. This isn’t saved for the crappy ones.

2. When marriage / relationship gets hard, this isn’t a universal indicator that it’s time to bail.

3. Divorce / separation doesn’t end pain. It just morphs it for a while.

4. Never going to sleep mad takes super human determination that may be only available to superheroes & cheesy movie characters.

5. Couples feel more understood and connected when they talk (to each other :-).

In the beginning, of a relationship, we’re often more generous with our time and more thoughtful with our words. But, there are times in all marriages when things get tough, when we want to run away. So what do we do? We go silent, we fight and sometimes, we run away. This strategy may work a few times, but it’s not the recipe for a “Happy Marriage”.

It turns out that happiness is only sustainable through connection and conversation. To be heard and feel known - to be understood by the person you love, that creates happiness. 

When a topic is tough or times are hard, you may find yourself avoiding significant conversations in your marriage. You find yourself “leaning out”. You can’t bear the discomfort, the sadness or maybe the anger. So, you wall off and over time disengage, maybe just one topic at a time until you feel alone in your relationship. (And this is where trouble can come knocking.)

The statistical research on couples shows, and I see it everyday in my practice, that the greatest indicator for success in a marriage / relationship is the couples’ willingness to have tough conversations. The willingness to “lean in” to the discomfort; take a chance; to move slowly. When couples “lean in” to the tough conversations, they are essentially saying to their loved one: “I care about you / us so much that I’m willing to take a chance, a roll of the dice – that we’ll find our way through this and be strong on the other side.” It says “I have your back and I don’t want you to feel alone in this world.” It says, “You’re worth it. We’re worth it”

So the next time you hear the question, what’s the secret to a happy marriage? And you hear the answer “Never go to sleep mad,” you can interpret that to mean: don’t clam up and ignore the tough stuff. Don’t “lean out” when things are hard. “Lean In” to the tough conversations; the rewards are immense.